Whole new meaning of Daughter-in-Law

How do I begin.....
Well, my mother in law had surgery on her shoulder yesterday. I volunteered to be at the hospital during the procedure...first mistake? Perhaps.
I got there at 9 in the morning and was heading to my car at 5:30 that evening.
Now waiting for someone to get out of surgery is hard enough, but not compared to what was in store for me. I love my MIL, don't get me wrong, but I just happen to think that favorite Daughter- in- law status has to have a stopping point somewhere. As she was being wheeled in after she awoke, she looked at me and said "you're still here?".....you mean I could have left?? I, of course, said "yes I'm still here". Then it all began! She wanted ice chips...no problem! She wanted more blankets...no problem! She wanted a barf bag...again, no problem. She wanted a catheter.....problem!! The nurse came in to perform the procedure when my FIL excused himself from the room....wait, what about me?? She is in the middle of telling me a story, so as not to be rude I listen while the nurse is getting ready. Well....the nurse is ready and she looks at me and says..do you want to leave? Thank God....YES! My MIL grabs my arm and says...no, she's okay..and continues with her story. I, keeping my eyes fixated on hers the whole time....smile and politely listen to 900 cc's of pee exit her body!! Well...the worst is over, right? Wrong! She finally gets discharged and I have to help her get dressed. This is the part where I have to tell you I had to put her underwear on and also got a boob shot! Now we can leave and I head to the car on the phone with her sister. She finds it inconvienent to leave her house at this hour and pick up meds for her one and only sister. So...guess who volunteered?? I go home and grab my husband....this is his mom for God's sake, he can go with me. We go get the 5...yes 5 perscriptions that this quack of a Doctor perscribed for her and head to her house. While sitting there she informs us that she has to pee. My husband quickly says "I can't help with that" and her ass of a husband makes no attempt to move, so again I volunteer. We make it to the bathroom and she turns and faces me...lifts her one good arm and says, will you pull them down? Ummm...sure! She then sits on the potty and attempts to pee. Well...the next thing I hear is "I have to self cath!' What?? Did I hear that right??? I said, right now? Yes..in that drawer grab the yellow jar. Now grab the catheter...now grab the vaseline. Oh dear God...this is going to happen!! I...yes me..have to prep this contraption. Next thing I know..legs are spred and she is performing a self cath. All I hear as I turn my head is, "oh, I missed the hole....oh, I missed it again....oh man, where's the hole??" The prayer now going through my head?? "please don't make me find the hole...please don't make me find the hole". Thank you lord, cause the next thing I hear is 900 cc's of pee exit her body!